


Scuffle of the Titans

by 6s_and_7s



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Dr Nyarlathotep, Eldritch, Gen, Jo Grant expected better of her Time Lords, Let the Brig say Fuck, One Shot, Secret Identity, Shipper on Deck, Shipping tag is only because of background events, The Brigadier is tired, UNIT, Well - Freeform, one of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6s_and_7s/pseuds/6s_and_7s
Summary: The Master comes up with a cunning plan to turn UNIT against the Doctor. The Doctor is irritated. Jo ships it. The Brigadier just wants to finish his filing.
Relationships: Third Doctor/The Master (Delgado)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 101
Collections: Non-horny Biology





	Scuffle of the Titans

Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart was holed up in his office, filing reports. The only sound that could be heard was the gentle scratch of pen on paper. The Brigadier was in his happy place. He was free of shenanigans, tomfoolery, and alien schemes. All that existed was the paperwork. He smiled, just slightly.

Then there was an enormous explosion and the Brigadier was on his feet. He was out the door like a shot, drawing his pistol as he raced toward the source of the noise, the most common source in all of UNIT HQ -- the science lab. Within a moment, he was at the door. From beyond, he could hear signs of a struggle.

He kicked it open and stepped in. His eyes widened. In the center of the room, two otherworldly monsters were wrestling for dominance over a ruined table. He could see no sign of the Doctor, nor of Jo Grant. He raised his pistol --

And was immediately tackled to the ground. He looked up to the face of his assaulter, a terrified young blonde. “Miss Grant?” the Brigadier said. “What is the meaning of this?”

She shook her head. “Oh, you mustn’t shoot them, Brigadier! One of them is the Doctor!”

The Brigadier blinked. “Come again?”

Jo rolled her eyes and rose with a sigh. She stomped her foot. “Right! That’s quite enough from the pair of you! You’re making a terrible scene!”

To the Brigadier’s astonishment, at Jo’s command both monsters stopped their roughhousing and rose to face her. They looked rather abashed, to be honest.

Jo shook her head, her expression solemn. “I had expected better of you,” she said. Then she blinked and cocked her head. “Well. I had expected better of the Master, at any rate.”

**I say--**

“The Master?” the Brigadier demanded. “Where does he come into all this?”

Jo pointed at the two shamefaced creatures. “He’s one of them,” she explained. “And the Doctor is the other.”

The Brigadier looked at the terrifying pair. One was a tall, rail-thin humanoid with one great eye in the center of its forehead. The other was a sort of gelatinous substance, blood red in coloration, that was dotted all over with mouths. He shook his head. “Miss Grant, if you could please begin at the beginning?”

_ Oh, there’s no need for that, Brigadier, _ the tall creature said. At least, the Brigadier thought it said it.  _ I can explain everything. _

**You’ll do no such thing,** the jelly retorted.  **You’ll twist it all around. I’ll tell it.**

The Brigadier raised his voice a few decibels. “I asked Miss Grant, gentlemen. Please refrain from further commentary unless requested.”

**Hmph! Oh, very well.**

_ So be it. _

“Well,” said Jo. “The Doctor was working on something at that table there, an etherizing formulation thingy--”

_ Etheric wave-form generator, my dear. _

**Don’t interrupt!**

_ Pardon me, I’m sure. _

“Yes,” said Jo. “That. Well, they were doing that, and I was reading a magazine over by the TARDIS. Then who should walk in through the backdoor but the Master!”

“You know, Miss Grant, the Master is a dangerous criminal who has on numerous occasions nearly ended or conquered the world. It might behoove you not to speak as though he’d just come ‘round for tea.”

Jo waved a hand. “Oh, you know how the Master is, really. It’s all just to flirt a bit with the Doctor!”

**WHAT??**

_ I BEG your pardon? _

“Oh, hush, the pair of you. You know, if you’d just kiss, we could all avoid a lot of needless violence,” Jo scolded.

Both aliens lapsed into silence. The Brigadier coughed. “And, er, then what happened, Miss Grant?”

“Oh, of course! Well, the Master said something like, ‘well me old chum, let’s see how well your friends at UNIT like you when your true colors are revealed, hohoho--”

_ The Master doesn’t laugh like that! _

**No, you don’t. It’s more like mwahahaha!**

_ What do you mean,  _ I _ don’t?  _ You’re _ the Master, and you laugh like this. Eh heh heh heh heh… _

“Miss Grant, please continue!” the Brigadier barked.

Jo nodded. “Well, then the Master pulled out some kind of machine --”

**A higher-dimensional destabilizer.**

“--Yes, that. And then the Doctor gasped and told me to look away.”

“And did you?” the Brigadier asked.

“Mostly. I peeked through my fingers because I wondered if the Master was about to propose.”

**Jo!**

_ Jo! _

“And… did he?” the Brigadier asked.

_ Brigadier! _

**Brigadier!**

Jo shook her head. “No. There was this big flash of golden light, and when it faded, they were, well…” she gestured to the creatures.

“”I see. Well, that explains the ‘what’. Now, let’s see about the ‘how’.”

The jellylike one oozed forward.  **Well, Brigadier, it’s very simple. We Time Lords are higher-dimensional beings.**

_ We go around in humanoid forms to avoid frightening people all the time. _

**And because it’s more fashionable.**

_ And that, yes. The Master’s device -- _

**Don’t talk in the third person, your head is swelled enough as it is.**

_ Excuse me? I’m not talking about myself at all. _

**Yes you are! Brigadier, that’s obviously the Master. Arrest him.**

_ How dare you! Brigadier, please tell me you can see through this buffoon’s charade. Our identities ought to be obvious. _

The Brigadier stared at both of them. “...Miss Grant?”

She shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry, Brigadier, I was blinded by the flash.”

**I told you to look away.**

_ You did not! I did! _

The two creatures fell to bickering once more. The Brigadier pursed his lips. “Right. Miss Grant?”

“Hm?”

“Get their attention. Then be ready to follow my lead.”

“Right.” Jo put her hands on her hips, took a step forward and said, in her sternest voice, “Gentlemen! We’re waiting.”

Once more, the clashing titans seemed almost to cringe, and they both stood like shamefaced schoolboys.

_ Quite right, shan’t happen again. _

**I forgot myself.**

“Right. Now, let’s have order,” the Brigadier said firmly. “The sooner we can figure this out, the sooner we can restore you both to normal.”

There was a long pause.  _...Normal? _

**Yes, this** **_is_ ** **normal for us.**

The Brigadier frowned. “Come now Doct -- er, Mas -- whichever one you are. Obviously, the Master has turned you both into strange monsters, and you decided to cook up some cockamamie story to save face.”

_ Yes _ , the tall one said.  _ Of course, you saw right through me, Brigadi-- _

**BRIGADIER! Of all the stupid, close-minded ignorami in the world, you are the worst of them! Can’t you trust the evidence of your own eyes, man?**

Jo pointed at the red blob gleefully. “That’s the real Doctor!”

The eye of the tall humanoid darkened.  _ Very clever, Brigadier. But you forget. I am the Master. And in this form… _ he crackled with eldritch energy as he stepper forward.  _ I am as a GOOOOOWWAAAAH! _

This last part came as he stepped on a puddle of Doctor and fell flat on his back. A small control device skidded across the floor. Jo’s eyes went wide and she pointed to it. “Brigadier! That’s the machine he used!”

The Master shoved himself upright, his limbs bending unpleasantly as he struggled to reach the device. The Doctor merely extended a pseudopod and absorbed it. There was a flash of light, and the Brigadier and Jo flinched from its brilliance. When they had blinked their way back to vision, the Doctor, his form apparently human once more, sat at a lab bench, fiddling with the machine. Of the Master, there was no sign.

“He took off running before I had even finished restoring myself,” the Doctor explained before the Brigadier could even ask. “I suspect he’s already reached his TARDIS.”

“Oh, Doctor!” Jo raced over and hugged him. “You were magnificent.”

The old alien beamed at her. “Well, thank you, Jo. You were quite marvelous, yourself. And you, Brigadier. Cunning work, figuring out which of us was which, although I can’t understand how you didn’t determine it sooner…”

The Brigadier cleared his throat. “Well. It was rather a stressful situation.”

“I suppose. I’m quite glad the Master was wrong in his belief that you would turn on me when you saw my true shape.”

He eyed the Brigadier’s gun. “Well. Mostly wrong. All told, though, you still seem remarkably composed to find that I’m more alien than you knew. How are you managing?”

The Brigadier and Jo glanced at one another. “Well…” said Jo. “Do you know how some days you just wake up and you just think, ‘yes, this might as well happen. Life is so strange already. Why not?’?”

“I… suppose so, yes?”

“Working with you, Doctor,” the Brigadier said, turning to leave the lab, “that day is every day.”


End file.
